As the attacks became more brutal
and vicious, I couldn’t afford to observe the whole of them, even from a
distance. So my subconscious mind started breaking down the experiences into
smaller pieces and putting these partial aspects of the experience into a
series of connecting rooms: one to hold the smell, another to hold the look on
my father’s face, yet another to hold the deep loneliness and despair I felt
afterward. Each room was to be locked shut and not opened again until I
experienced a similar attack, pain, look, feeling, or place that matched what
was already in a room behind a locked door. (the sum of my parts, see BOOKS,
ARTICLES)
- to deal directly with trauma; or
- to help the person function; or
- to carry/hold a specific emotion or issue;
-
Olga Trujillo (the sum of my parts) created personalities to carry good feelings
and caring from good people in her life.
As I have said, it starts with a young child (the
original personality, see GLOSSARY) who is being traumatized in some way. If the trauma keeps
happening, the child may dissociate more and more to the point where she can
clearly imagine that she becomes another person altogether.
One of two things may happen if the child is traumatized
again and again.
- the
original personality may decide to create more people to handle the trauma, or
- one
of the personalities she created might decide to create even more personalities
to handle the trauma
So it’s not just the first-born child that can create
other personalities but the personalities themselves can create as well. It can
get quite complicated.
My system of personalities did exactly that. The original
person created 5 alter personalities. Then some of them went on to create other
personalities, and some of those created more personalities.
My mind looked like a house with
many doors. (the sum of my parts, see BOOKS,
ARTICLES)
Some multiples create new personalities when the trauma
changes. If a child is being abused by his father over and over he may create
only one personality to deal with that. But if suddenly his older brother joins
in, he might create a new personality to deal with this. Or if the father
starts doing something new in the abuse the boy might create a new personality.
So if the trauma changes in any way, the child might
create a new personality to deal with the new circumstances.
As nonsexual physical abuse
increasingly became part of the experience, there came to be the need for even
more protection. Persons developed to control and to embody powerful but
separate emotions. Other persons had developed to experience the trauma of the
abuse. And still others developed to deal with the various stages of the life
cycle. (When Rabbit Howls see BOOKS, ARTICLES)
WHEN
DOES IT STOP?
The person will continue to create other personalities
if new trauma keeps happening and/or simply because it is a wonderful mechanism
for handling a lot of stress, so…
- the
person may continue to create personalities well into adulthood and even after
the trauma has stopped, OR
- the
person may stop as soon as she feels she has enough personalities to handle all
aspects of life
During the healing process discovering who created who might be something the multiple wants to do.
Most children that age who haven’t
been traumatized have minds like an open floor plan, in touch with the entire
inside structure at a glance. But my mind was divided up intricately. Even
though there was a central room that I lived in and always had access to, there
were secret doors, usually locked, leading off that central part. Those doors
opened to even more doors that led to closets or a series of connecting rooms.
Over time, as I was attacked again and again, the rooms developed in complexity
and detail: windows appeared or dark curtains and paintings were hung. In fact,
instead of just being places in which my mind stored unpleasant memories, these
rooms were becoming selves in their own right, with roles, personalities,
wishes, and fears. (the sum of my parts see
BOOKS, ARTICLES)
We would all get together when
Karen had this terrible need. The need grew into a wish, and the wish was
transformed into an alter. I came from Karen’s wish for a father. Claire came
from Karen’s wish to be a perfect little girl, pure as can be, to be liked by
everyone. Sidney came because Karen wanted to be the little boy the father
wanted. (Switching Time see BOOKS, ARTICLES)
