AN INTERNAL WORLD
Usually the
person imagines and creates some kind of internal world where all the
personalities can be. It is a place to hide from the outside world, a place to
go when they are not “out” (in control), a place to keep the personalities
separate from each other or a place for them to be together. A place where they
can see each other and speak with each other.
Since this
internal world begins with a child’s imagination, the sky’s the limit.
Many multiples
may have
· caves
· tunnels
· houses
· apartments
· castles
· islands
· levels
· stages
or anything
else the child can imagine for the personalities to reside in.
How
does the multiple’s inner world feel? Billy Milligan, the subject of a
well-known book by Daniel Keyes, described it as ‘a big white spotlight.
Everybody stands around it, watching or sleeping in their beds. And whoever
steps on the spot is out in the world. … Whoever is on the spot holds the
consciousness.’ (Multiple Realities see BOOKS, ARTICLES)
This inner
world can be quite fantastic – complex, functional and beautiful. Again, it’s
up to a child’s imagination so the sky’s the limit.
What happens
in these worlds can be seen as metaphors for what’s happening in the person’s
life.
MY EXPERIENCE
When my system
of personalities started therapy we saw all of us travelling on horses through
all kinds of terrain. Our healing felt very much like a journey and different
parts of the journey seemed to mirror how we were feeling at different times.
At one point we felt therapy was extremely difficult so we imagined that we were all climbing a very rocky and difficult mountain. The really neat thing was we saw us helping each other climb up.
Another time
we saw ourselves riding full tilt on a vast open plain. We felt ecstatic and
full of power and a sense of wild freedom. That was when we realized how strong
we had become as a group.
An inner world
provided us with a sense of purpose and meaning to our life because abuse had
made life seem meaningless and hopeless.
We also built,
in our mind, a beautiful house in the woods where no one could get to but us. We
had a big kitchen and spent a lot of time in it together. Food was seen as
nourishment and nurturing by one of our personalities, Patience, who did all
the cooking. We also had a room where we held meetings and also meditated
together. We also had several TV’s and places to watch them. TVs have been a
symbol of comfort for many of us.
The rooms were places to cuddle with each other. We had a play room for the kids and they could play on a wrap-around porch on rainy days. The porch off the kitchen was also a favourite spot where we could see the river and enjoy sunrises. Most of all the house, called The Cocoon, has been an inner place of safety, comfort, beauty and peace.
