The
captors thought of Sybil not as their hostage but as their keeper, the hostess
of their body.” (Sybil see BOOKS, ARTICLES)
The “host”
personality is a key personality for multiples. It was called “the waking self”
in Sybil.
All multiples
have at least one of these, and sometimes more than one.
The literature
says that this personality has executive control most of the time. HOWEVER, I
don’t agree. Sometimes the host has the least control.
My host
personality has never had much control but rather has been very much a
passenger along for the ride. In the book When
Rabbit Howls (see BOOKS, ARTICLES)
Truddi Chase’s host was simply called “the woman” and she had little control
over things.
I prefer to
call my host the “Outside Person” as this personality has been mostly a
spokesperson or ambassador and conduit for the other personalities. I have
known other multiples with the same experience.
Host
personalities are usually overwhelmed by life, feel themselves to be powerless
and at the mercy of forces beyond their control (i.e., the other personalities).
Often the host
does not know about the other personalities nor the trauma until sometime in
therapy.
The host may
also lose time a lot (black out) when the other personalities come out.
As I have said
earlier, it’s possible there is more than one host. Or it’s possible that a façade
is created by several personalities who collaborate to pass as only one person.
It’s also
possible that more than one personality may have this role at different points
in time.
An example: Ray (one personality) has control from birth
until age 3. Then Cindy takes over the host role until age 7. At that time a
trauma occurs and another personality, Anna, takes over until age 12. At that point,
Sam takes over until adulthood.
Sybil
found herself floating in and out of blankness. Disguising the fact, she became
ingenious in improvisation, peerless in pretense, as she feigned knowledge of
what she did not know. Unfortunately, from herself she couldn’t’ conceal the
sensation that somehow she had lost something. Nor could she hide the feeling
that increasingly she felt as if she belonged to no one and to no place. (Sybil see BOOKS, ARTICLES)
“..
gradually we learn that the woman whom we see much of the time is in truth a
façade who initially knew nothing about the others.” (When Rabbit Howls see BOOKS,
ARTICLES)
…
the host can seem drained of energy, depressed, anxious or confused. Just as
often, he or she may be super competent and tightly in control, in an attempt
to keep the dangerous memories and feelings locked away. ‘I was like Mr. Spock
on Star Trek,’ said one multiple of her ordinary state of consciousness before
she began the therapy that was to bring her into contact with the split-off
parts of her psyche. ‘If it didn’t fit into the realm of logic, I wasn’t going
to experience it.’ (Multiple Realities
see BOOKS, ARTICLES)
The
woman whom I had met, whom I had considered Truddi, had been created and had
grown up as a façade to present to the world. It was she who experienced the
amnesia and therefore was free of all memory of the abuse. [When Rabbit Howls see BOOKS, ARTICLES)
‘Karen
3 carries all of us. She was the one best able to form a relationship with
you.’ [Therapist] ‘So she’s the main one?’ ‘No, not the main one – it’s
difficult to explain, really. It’s just her job.” (Switching Time see BOOKS,
ARTICLES)
